LANDUOCONG(:

2012-02-23T22:05:00.003+08:00

I've got a love letter drafted in my head, been kinda busy to write it out.
Being busy is such a lousy and unacceptable excuse. Sometimes i'm really mad at myself for using busy-ness as a convenient excuse, I mean I really am busy, but that doesn't make it okay. Ideally I should never be too busy for my favorite people, and you're one of them.
I should really get back to doing more readings and writing my essays. Maybe I'll write to you again later.
I miss you. I'm so sorry for last Saturday. I promise to make more time, somehow. We should go watch a movie. Thats the closest i can get to lying on your chest and listening to your heartbeat in the dark, which in my head is one of the most romantic little things ever.
okay back to getting more work done.

2012-02-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

“Why do we have to listen to our hearts?” the boy asked, when they had made camp that day.

“Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.”

“But my heart is agitated,” the boy said. “It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it’s become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I’m thinking about her.”

“Well, that’s good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say.”

“My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. “It doesn’t want me to go on.”

“That makes sense. Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. ”

“You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”

“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.

“My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

Coelho's The Alchemist

2012-02-12T21:14:00.006+08:00

hey love, i hope your week ahead will be a good one. concentrate on being less exhausted and generally happier/ more fulfilled, at least that's what i've been trying to do. easier said than done though.
♥

"I wont give up on us
even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
to do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
to see what you find

cos even the stars they burn
some even fall to the earth
we've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it"

Mraz's I won't give up

2012-02-12T14:13:00.001+08:00

When you meet someone
so different from yourself,
in a good way,
you don't even have to kiss
to have fireworks go off.
It's like fireworks
in your heart
all the time.
I always wondered,
do opposites really attract?
Now I know for sure
they do.

Lisa Schroeder

2012-02-05T23:07:00.002+08:00

" But is heaviness truly deplorable and lightness splendid?
The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.
Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden cause man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.
What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness? "
Kundera's The Unbereable Lightness of Being.

At twenty, I am sure I want lightness.
But, is it possible to have both?

I missed you, not the crazy kind of miss, but the genuine kind of miss. I want to talk to you, because I have no clue on what is going on in your life. I wonder if we can spend the whole afternoon talking about everything and nothing, while sipping coffee. I just read an article on how biking accidents are on a rise, so bike safe. I'm obviously incoherent, so g'night.

2012-01-21T19:46:00.000+08:00

我们爱的没有错
只是美丽的独秀太折磨

2011-12-22T12:54:00.002+08:00

So, we are back to being strangers, again.
We walked right past each other. Our eyes barely met, my heart was pounding furiously, and within seconds you were gone.
What a shame,because I used to think that you're my forever. Not anymore, not anymore.
It took me a long time, but I've finally moved on. And as cliched as it is, I really wish nothing but the best for you.
G'bye m.

2011-12-21T21:17:00.003+08:00

Hello fangs,
I know you've been stalking me!don't worry I stalk your tumblr too sometimes :)
You're such a sweetheart to visit your grandma everyday, and I really hope she'll be fine.
Seeyou in two days time for class gathering
<3

2011-12-19T22:49:00.002+08:00

But right now I wish you were here.

My mind's a huge mess now.

2011-12-17T17:08:00.001+08:00

" People that are meant to be together always find their ways in the end."

2011-12-09T23:00:00.002+08:00

i really need to start writing more, because i don't want to forget. My thoughts are still in a mess, not that it really matters mmm.

December started off really well, because exams are over and i finally get to see the people that i really care about. then there's OCIP, and SEP approval, and suddenly I'm flooded with so much emotions that i never thought existed.

there's a hint of disappointment because i didn't get into my dream school. then there's fear. I never had any hesitation when i was applying, but there and then, after reading the offer, the realization that i will be gone for a while became so tangible it freaked me out.

after that was panic galore (looking back I've got no idea what I was panicking about really), then on the phone with vanny for more than an hour, and then with b for a while. bestest said he'll visit me, actually that's the same thing the lover said to me a while ago. that was what i needed to hear, even if its a lie, but really, that meant so much to me.

I think some parts of the conversation didn't come across the way i meant it. i didn't mean to doubt you when you said you're gonna visit me, i just (still) couldn't believe that anyone will actually do that. it sounds crazy to me- visiting your friend that will be at the other side of the world, no? i probably never told you this before, but you're the most amazing and solid friend i can ever ask for.

there's still a ton of things and applications for me to settle, and OCIP stuffs that's starting to pile up, but just maybe for the first time i don't really mind all these trouble.

i'm still afraid of distance, and i'm not all that confident about the future, but having people that believe in you certainly make it a little easier.

2011-12-05T19:41:00.008+08:00

"Do you really promise never to forget me?" she asked in a near whisper.
"I'll never forget you," I said. "I could never forget you."
Murakami's Norwegian Wood.
I do realise that I've been quoting way too much Murakami, sorry I can't help it.

Hey love,
The truth is, I cannot imagine a life without you. Sometimes I can't even remember the life before you came into the picture.
I know I'm a terrible lover asking too much from you, and i also know that a normal person will probably be traumatized by me by now. But you're different, and you're worth it.

Before we get into the real thing, before you and I become an us, I think it'll be best if we sort ourselves out first. partly for selfish reason, partly to become a better person for you. Right now I'm in a mess, and I need all the time to figure myself out, to know who I am, what I want in life, what I'm standing for and what I need.

I don't see taking a longer route as a waste of time, neither is it a redundant part of growing up. The way I see it, if it doesn't work out then at the very least we manage to figure out the important things in life and set our priorities straight. If it does work out, it'll be good i promise, and it'll all get better in time.

We need this. I need to see the world a bit, figure out the future, do the things I want to do, stop being too pessimist and start believing. And you, you always know your final destination. Maybe somewhere along the way you got lost or distracted, doing things because 'it can pay the bills.' But knowing you, that's not enough love. This is not some impulsive decision, this is your dream, so when the time's right, go follow your heart and chase those dreams.

Either way, we're both in this together. There's no turning back, and I won't give up just yet. So this is not a goodbye, it's just my way of saying that it's the start of something amazing, and if this is only a glimpse of what a good life is going to be, then I cant wait already for the future.

Yours,
L

2011-11-30T12:29:00.004+08:00

"You said you're going far away," Tamaru said. "How far away are we talking about?"
"It's a distance that can't be measured."
"Like the distance that separates one person's heart from another's."

Murakami's 1Q84, 925 pages, x hours of escapism from the humdrum of finals revision.

2011-11-25T23:15:00.002+08:00

"if you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there's salvation in life. Even if you can't get together with that person." Murakami's 1Q84

Thinking way too much, devouring murakami and taking every chance to procrastinate studying for my two coming papers. That's what I've been doing.

2011-11-17T03:10:00.001+08:00

My overly active imagination is gonna be my greatest enemy some day.

2011-11-05T15:11:00.000+08:00

'baby don't let go,
the sky is falling.'

2011-11-03T19:25:00.001+08:00

i'm officially missing you :'(

2011-10-28T21:14:00.002+08:00

Dear friend,

I think we're good at being friends. Just friends, nothing more.
Quite honestly, I like talking to you because we are on the same wavelength.. It's not everyday that I get to talk to people about the thing that matters the most to me: politics, without them giving me a weird stare. I like it that we can talk about any and every thing,no personal stuff, without a hint of awkwardness.
But recently you're way too strange. And I don't know how to respond to that.
I've learnt my lesson that I need to draws clear boundary and make it crystal clear. Or else that friendship wil be ruined.
So, can we keep things at where it is right now and not change a thing?

Sincerely,
L

2011-10-23T20:48:00.001+08:00

" I'll fall forever endlessly, when you should be the ground beneath my feet, the better half of me."

2011-10-22T21:14:00.006+08:00

" 'cos someone out there holds the key to my heart."

so bogged down by the crazy amount of essays to write and unending pile of reading to be done.

2011-10-19T09:02:00.003+08:00

The problem with politics is that it's about power, not justice.
If politics can be summed up into one word, it will definitely be power. Not just material capabilities in terms of guns and weapons, but also wealth and ideology (second wave of imperialism)
No one really thinks of politics as about being just, like what Socrates and Plato would have imagined it to be.
We have become so corrupted, the society has become so corrupted
And justice is becoming more and more abstract an idea.
Eventually I still want to think that change is possible, that really people can make this place a better one.
But it's quite disheartening, really.

2011-10-15T23:34:00.001+08:00

2011-10-13T18:00:00.001+08:00

what don't kill you (really) makes you stronger.

2011-10-12T22:53:00.002+08:00

Please don't play mind games with me. Of all people you should know best that I cannot afford to loose a best friend like you.

2011-10-11T20:42:00.003+08:00

withdrawal syndrome.
love, its so hard to get anything done when you're on my mind, like all the time.

2011-10-10T12:18:00.004+08:00

"when you're too in love, to let it go."

I will give up so much to re-live nights with you again.
I've forgotten how perfectly your hand fit around my waist, or that cheeky grin of yours, or a million other little details. Such timely reminder why I couldn't bear to give up on us yet.

2011-10-05T23:12:00.001+08:00

"wrong or right i won't be afraid
because even if my heart should break,
you'll be the best mistake i've ever made."

2011-10-02T22:23:00.002+08:00

Hello there,

I know you're reading and that's why I keep on writing.
By now you've read a fair share of my confessions and my conflicts.
It's like a one sided conversation.
I don't know how to compose a love letter, I don't know how to write a love story.
Sometimes I don't even know what I'm feeling.
There's always a mental battle between my rational brain and my passionate heart.
Honestly I'm losing you, and the feelings you once made me felt.
But maybe it's just me and my imagination.
Make me fall for you all over again, will you?

L

2011-09-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

"if loving you is wrong, then i am wrong"

2011-09-29T21:09:00.001+08:00

Don't know how to survive tml, let alone the whole of next week :(

2011-09-27T18:10:00.002+08:00

What changes my boy? Is it you, me or both of us?

"Do you have somebody you really care about? [...] Somebody who, when you think about their happiness, you feel happy, too? [...] There's too many people in the world like you. Too many people who don't have anyone they care about. Who think if they don't love anyone else then they're free to do whatever they want. They think they have nothing to lose, and that makes them stronger. If you have nothing to lose, there's nothing you really want, either. You're full of confidence, and look down on people who lose things, who want things, who are happy, or sad sometimes. But that's not the way things are. And it's just not right." Shuichi yoshida- villain

2011-09-11T10:31:00.002+08:00

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, Doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have."

2011-09-09T21:54:00.000+08:00

‘In the beginning, there was only a small amount of injustice abroad in the world, but everyone who came afterwards added their portion, always thinking that it was only very small and unimportant, and look where we have ended up today.’

2011-09-08T21:25:00.001+08:00

Just because I don't tell or show that I care doesn't mean I don't.

2011-08-28T20:05:00.002+08:00

"With friendship it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other, or how many fights you got into. what matters is who said “I’ll be there for you” and who proved it."
You have, countless times. You're always there for me, no matter how ridiculous the situation is, and you picked up the broken pieces when I fall apart. That's why you're (one of) my best friend. Happy twentieth B.

2011-08-27T00:40:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry you're not my priority right now.

2011-08-23T22:01:00.003+08:00

"True friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives" coelho

such a bad week.

2011-08-21T16:21:00.001+08:00

"Friendship isn’t being inseparable, it’s being separated and knowing nothing will change"

2011-08-08T23:09:00.001+08:00

'forgive your past, and simply be mine.'

2011-07-31T22:05:00.001+08:00

Is it better to burn out or fade away?

2011-07-30T19:29:00.000+08:00

"快乐时你不用分心想起我
难过时请一定记得联络我

让我分享你的苦　
带走你的忧愁　

我觉得这样　
也算拥有"

the most heartbreakingly beautiful song i've heard in a while

2011-07-27T01:03:00.001+08:00

temptations, i cant resist.

2011-07-20T19:02:00.002+08:00

"We get onto his bike- it's nothing now for me to climb on behind and fit myself to him- and I don't need to ask where we're going because I'll go anywhere."

2011-07-17T22:54:00.001+08:00

every book i read seem to have your name in it.sighhhhh

2011-07-13T22:19:00.001+08:00

its getting really pointless and i'm tired of this.i really am.

2011-07-12T10:01:00.001+08:00

how come people can stop themselves from sinking deeper into love but i can't?

"Isn't it ironic? We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones who love us."

2011-07-11T22:23:00.003+08:00

"Ultimately, though, it's living people that frighten me the most. It's always seemed to me that nothing could be scarier than a person, because as dreadful as places can be, they're still just places; and no matter how awful ghosts might seem, they're just dead people. I always thought that the most terrifying things anyone could ever think up were the things living people came up with."

been thinking quite a bit about exchange prog, thinking about the school and about leaving familiarity for well, adventure (sort of.)
i'm still in a very jumbled mixed-up state of mind right now, and i don't know how to decide.
i don't know what is best for me, what is best for us .
it is very selfish, and maybe the fact that i'm not very sentimental makes it easier (theoretically at least) for me to leave for a sem. still juggling with the thought of going there alone, without pre-knowing anyone. that kind of independence and freedom does sound very appealing.

2011-07-07T23:36:00.002+08:00

some days i miss you more than usual
some days the people around me remind me of you more than usual
some days my heart cant stop thinking about you
there are so many times i wanted to make things right, but i don't know how to.
right now, i wish you were here.

2011-07-02T20:51:00.003+08:00

"Gosh, yes, I do believe that this happens all the time. People are constantly hurting the folks they love the most- by suffocating them with attention, or by not giving them the freedom to grow up and learn who they are, or by thinking they know what's the best for the other person and realizing too late this wasn't the case. There are a million and one examples of relationships that have been smothered by too much love, rather than too little. I'd say that love becomes harmful when you keep telling yourself that you've put your loved one first...but in reality, everything you do and say is really about you, and your own fear of being left behind or lost."
Jodi Picoult

2011-07-01T12:07:00.002+08:00

'sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead'

for the millionth time i feel like the worst lover ever.

2011-06-26T11:23:00.002+08:00

"If you’re looking for reasons not to love someone, you’re probably going to find them but sometimes, we need to give in and let our hearts get what they deserve."

for every ten reasons i came up as to why i should see you, there's always another fifty behind the back of my stupid brain as to why i shouldnt. usually because i'll be playing with fire and that you'll break my heart. somehow. eventually.
but the heart always triumphs.

2011-06-25T18:35:00.003+08:00

i like you like that. cheeky, essentially a bad boy, but a joy to be with. no matter how short time is. if only there's a way to quantify how much imiss you mm.

i must be crazy

2011-06-23T21:01:00.001+08:00

"It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what the love is"

2011-06-17T12:20:00.003+08:00

my dear boy,
when i caught a glimpse of us in the mirror, it striked me pretty hard that here we are, imprefectly as ever, but look at us, we've really come quite far.
that really brought me back down to earth, and for a second, any doubts i had about the future vanished.
the three years plan/promise, we're halfway through. and honestly its not gonna get any easier, but much much harder.
they say love becomes greater and nobler in calamity.
i hope that is true for us.

crazy shift at beerfest yest. other than cashing out, really really loving it.
conservative parents, sighhhh

2011-06-15T12:34:00.001+08:00

later.
your one day wait is gonna be worthwhile, because i've come to realised that after everything and everyone, you're all i've always wanted. you're the one i want to go back to at the end of the day, over and over again. nothing more, nothing less.
what a difference a day makes.

2011-06-13T21:42:00.002+08:00

threading on very thin ice again really need to stop playing with fire!

2011-06-09T23:22:00.001+08:00

i'm incoherent even to myself, how do i expect others to understand me? :(

2011-06-08T23:58:00.003+08:00

silly boy, has it never occurred to you that i may the one with a change of heart?
two unexpected phone calls tonight, one from you and one from a friend in an exotic island. both got me thinking.
i should have put you on a higher priority, but i didn't.
i should be the one standing by you when you need me, but i'm not doing my job well.
i should made time for you, but i didn't.
and here i am rethinking what i want from you, what sort of relationship we can both settle for
being with you wasn't easy, and little did i know letting you go is gonna be much harder.

2011-06-08T10:21:00.001+08:00

"Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been California dreaming

In this california king bed
We're 10,000 miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king"

2011-06-07T20:56:00.001+08:00

"If you are brave enough to say 'goodbye', life will reward you with a new 'hello'" -Coelho
The problem is i'm not brave enough to say goodbye to you. A part of me is still desparately clinging onto you with my every breath. I wish love is easy sometimes.

2011-05-21T21:05:00.002+08:00

back.but will be going off going tml morning
goodbye hongkong, hello vietnam
its really time for me to disconnect myself with the world and with familiar faces for a while.
i've got so many questions in my head with no answers, and maybe some time away from civilisation will help me see the world clearer.
time is never enough.never.

2011-05-10T21:20:00.009+08:00

Post-GE2011 thoughts.

Honestly I've never been so interested in local politics before, and elections have never been this competitive before. And I think this GE did Singapore alot of good.

For one, i see so many people being more interested in politics. I always feel that people are turned off by politics, but i never know the reason. The usual arguments are politics is boring, its not engaging, or that politics has nothing to do with their lives. wrong wrong wrong!

There's a stronger opposition (in general) this time round, quality wise they deserve credits. A-teams of different parties being send out to different constituencies to contest, people that not only have qualifications but also convictions. in other words, the right reason. I cannot stress how important it is to enter politics for the right reason. People say that politics is a gamble, thats pretty valid. WP gambled big, and they won big. Chiam gambled quite a bit too, but that didnt pay off as well as expected.

but the rules of the game is different. if politics is a gamble, then they are not gambling thousands of dollars, but rather thousands of the people's future, and also Singapore's future. It is not a bad thing, because this gamble may actually pay off. But like any high-return investments, the risks and stakes increase too. i really hope that whichever parties these politicians are affiliated to, they'll quickly reconcile the differences and be constructive and supportive, not only because they are elected, but because beneath all that differences we're all pro-Singapore. I really hope so.

And so like in any game there will be loser(s), and I'm still really really upset that GeorgeYeo will be leaving politics. Then there's the whole exchange TinPeiLing for GeorgeYeo thing. Iknow she carries KateSpade and maybe is not as mature as what people may expect, but I think we're all too quick to judge. myself included. I'm not pro-TPL or anything, but is it time to give her a chance to prove herself? Which brings me to my next point: judging.

I know alot of people are voting the opposition not because they are strong, but because they've lost faith in the government. While I dont necessarily agree with everything the PAP does/did, i do think that they are capable. not so empathetic maybe, but i dont doubt their contributions. same with the opposition. they have some pretty good suggestions, and i think they've been on the ground for a while to know the reality, but again i dont agree with everything they propose. But the point is, I feel that people are again too quick to judge, and they are not as rational. Having oppositions for the mere sake of having oppositions, will that be a good choice? will that lead to progress of any sort?

Too much comparison and generalisations have been made, but few take time to really know what they are talking about. Is like saying a party is bad not because of the policies they propose but based on impressions, sometimes secondhand impressions. This time round too many irrelavant attacks were fired, some personal one, and too much dramas were played up (think tears and apology). It've almost became a game of appearance, instead of solid capabilities of serving.

Really politics is more than just elections and campaigning, that is only the start, or the end, depending on how you see it. The real thing have just started, so much more sweat and sleep need to be sacrificed, so much more opinions and voices need to be heard, so much more pairs of hands are needed to help make this place home, so much more needs to be done. The fun part really, is not winning the election, but the pride of serving the people and the country.

I've been in other place long enough to know that what is offered here is what others may never get right or will take another decade or more to get, because of the culture, the politics, the mindset, the geography, and so much more. I'm always so proud to be a Singaporean (yes i am, not a ciizen or PR) because i know we have weathered so many storms just to get here. its no easy feat, and the future will be so much more exciting, more vibrant (politically too i hope!).

The political scene here is definitely changing, it has to change to be viable really, but i'm definitely excited for the future. taking up political science has got nothing to do with future job prospects or money, but rather its the only way i know to try make a difference in future. This GE may just be the national awakening we all needed, and as Aristotle suggested, we're all political animals, and everybody has got something to contribute to the good of society. I hope people have a change in attitude and mindset towards politics.

This is only a start, we're still a long way to a truly mature and democratic society. But this is a good start, and trust me, we will only move forward, never backwards.

2011-05-08T23:07:00.001+08:00

"Yes, I love you very much, as I have never loved another man and that is precisely why I am leaving, because, if I stayed, the dream would become reality, the desire to possess, to want your life to be mine...in short, all the things that transform love into slavery. It's best left like this-- a dream. We have to be careful what we take from a country, or from life."

2011-05-07T19:00:00.002+08:00

".. He should know that the great aim of every human being is to understand the meaning of total love. Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with."

2011-05-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

for you i'll bleed myself dry.
i can never love you enough :)

2011-05-05T21:13:00.002+08:00

i almost forgot what love is, until you reminded me.
i wont keep you for long, i cant anyway.
like how i'll eventually have to learn to let you go

2011-05-03T16:50:00.002+08:00

you gave me something to look forward to,
and so effortlessly you made my day a million times brighter.
maybe we're beautiful because out time together are too short, and it forces us to be at our very best. maybe its because its so fleeting, so fragile, so temporal that we savor every second and immortalize our time together.
no regrets, no regrets. 我用无悔刻永世爱你的碑

2011-05-02T23:53:00.003+08:00

its just really tiring that i have to constantly make sure that i keep my distance and not be too close to people because i dont want to give any of them any wrong ideas. its sad because sometimes i find myself hitting off really well with some of these people, and i have to keep reminding myself that there's an invisible line nobody should cross. i should just hibernate and be an anti-social person. the world is too strange for me to understand.

2011-04-30T21:36:00.001+08:00

i'm the kind that wont listen to people telling me that playing with fire may burn me.i'm the kind that have to get burnt before learning the lesson. And the sad part is that sometimes after learning the lesson, i unlearn them and get hurt again. I wonder if i'm really ignorant or ignorant by choice sometimes. Its strange that i rather spend brain cells thinking about democracy and philosphy and GE but not spend half the time sorting out my complicated life. Maybe i thought that time will sort out the problem by itslef, somehow, magically. Too bad reality dont work that way huh.

2011-04-28T16:25:00.003+08:00

would you rather trust luck/fortune or instinct?

half the battle done. two more to go. two more to ace. two more before liberation.

不觉得痛
却觉得空

2011-04-26T18:10:00.002+08:00

"You are the light of the world. Shine, and darkness will disappear."
Coelho

recently liked coelho on FB and i'm practically liking all his status. very inspirational stuffs, especially when i'm fighting a war here.
i should be studying, instead i'm learning very random things, like the speech where obama quoted coelho, or the medieval era, or how singaporeans clocked more than 2000 working hours annualy, toping SEA. seriously Leonie..

2011-04-23T01:46:00.002+08:00

never more grateful for the people around me.
<3

2011-04-21T09:05:00.002+08:00

how come nobody finds it ironic that the whole manifesto thing was first picked up by communist and is now used in so-called democratic parties?

2011-04-20T00:32:00.001+08:00

爱让我们流多少眼泪？

2011-04-18T22:18:00.005+08:00

half a day full of political debates, both inside my head and with a friend.
its a good change for once, though very mentally draining.
i totally agree civil society is important, but thats not the point.
the point is how many people actually care enough to not just criticize but think of alternative, to debate issues on ethics and morality and justice, to actually make a difference? complaining is easy, talk is cheap, and thats why they are hardly constructive at all.
its sad to think that people no longer take time to actually think about so many things that affects them. the concept of time has really changed, and life for that matter.
pit yourself against those more intelligent, or those that have seen more of the world than you do, because only then will you be humbled.

plus i'm finally not taken as some damsel-in-distress by egoistic mcp. its really nice to be for once taken as a serious friend for political discourse, no pressure.
fate really does work in very miraculous ways.

2011-04-17T15:48:00.005+08:00

going to(new) secret place tml. cant wait

plan A (short term plan) first things first, find someone that does not have such a common name you hear it everywhere in conversations, in movies bla bla or else guilt level multiplies. especially when you just made time for friends, but not him
plan B (long term plan) find someone better. find someone serious. find someone that will be not only be parental-approved but also best-friends-approved. find someone that can put up with weird habits and fragile emotions. find a real life equivalent of roarke.

p.s. watching bridget jones and hoping that nice guys are not extinct yet.

2011-04-15T19:55:00.002+08:00

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting"
-Andy Warhol

we're on the way to becoming real friends, something more than just hi-byes
whether or not there's anything more, only time can tell
i'm glad someone supports this theory.
i'm feeling super vulnerable these few days, which is hardly a good sign at all
need to escape, even if its just for a while.

2011-04-14T12:58:00.001+08:00

too many wow-moments jam packed within 24hours.
Blessed!

2011-04-14T01:33:00.007+08:00

haven't had so much fun for a while :)

its hard to find someone that talks on the same wavelength as me, that can challenge me and yet not appear intimidating at the same time. Its hard to find someone to hold a conversation about Machiavelli, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, politics, golden ration, v-formation, atheism, the English language, Singapore's history, the abstractness of time and so much more, all within three hours. it was good time spent, plus we get to explore Singapore, disguising the fact that we got lost for a bit.

then again, its even harder to find a bestest that is always there for me. for the childish movie and much needed water and drive back to hall plus depressing/confused talks and for always believing in me. i cannot ask for a better friend.

i'm not good with words, but i'll try to explain
its like he's always not here with me, even though at times i push him away from me.
its like i miss him so much it doesnt matter anymore,
because i've learnt to live without him.
i'm not in any way needy, and i enjoy my freedom in every way.
the thing is, he's not my priority, and i dont want to be his priority.
we're meant for greater things, and we both know.
we've come to far to forget, but yet, we shouldnt continue deceiving ourselves.
maybe our time is up.
but the end of something is always a beginning of another.
i'm not actually afraid of losing him, i'm just afraid of losing memories of him.
it was a good relationship. not exactly the healthiest or least destructive, but nonetheless unforgettable. had been and always will be.

2011-04-11T22:13:00.002+08:00

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉

2011-04-09T22:16:00.003+08:00

the game of seduction is so much easier than the game of love.
but wht's love anyway?
i think i need to start thinking about being in a more stable r/s, rather than well, love games that are (self) destructive and never lasts.

they all follow the same pattern: hi-bye to add on facebook to actually becoming real friend to msn convos to texts to calls to going out for a movie or dinner and to maybe becoming something more than just friends.
but most of the times i cant see those signs because i'm concentrating on being a friend, instead of potential lover.
and some where along the line i'll start hurting people.
so now once its at msn convos or text stage, i start keeping my distance.
this way, at least there wont be any losers.
and we get to keep the status as friends.
one of my new year resolution is to not break any heart, or at least minimise the chances. i'm still keeping scores.
so far, so good.

2011-04-06T17:42:00.005+08:00

guilt, it's eating me alive
pressure, it's overwhelming me so bad.
but i hope love will anchor me back down and make the fight all worthwhile.

i'm sorry for being a bad friend/lover/insecure ever-whinny-and-complainy bitch sometimes.
i dont know why people are still standing by me after all these while because i never thought for a second that i deserve all these awesome people in my life.
its in trying times that i really see who the real friends are and trust me, i'll catch grenade(s) for these people.
<3

yst was just a trial run, a test drive; but i've understood what my heart really wants
and i'll try to not fight it.

2011-04-05T21:49:00.006+08:00

When you go for a battle, you dont think of what you'll do when you lose. you'll think how to make sure you win.
not really a word for word transcription, but that was roughly what the PM said in KRMF, and it really struck me.
sometimes, there's no plan B. the plan really, is just to continue believing and fighting for what you stand for. because if you dont stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

anywy, stumbled upon this lovely article by coelho. it's brilliant and i am so psyched that he've got a new book coming soon.

10sec reading: how to achieve inmortality.
When he was still a young man, Beethoven decided to compose a few improvisations on a music by Pergolesi. He devoted months to this task and finally had the courage to publish it.

A critic wrote a full page review in a German newspaper in which he launched a ferocious attack on the music.

Beethoven, however, was quite unshaken by his comments. When his friends pressed him to respond to the critic, he merely said:

‘All I need to do is to carry on with my work. If the music I compose is as good as I think it is, then it will survive that journalist. “If it has the depth I hope it has, it will survive the newspaper too. “Should that ferocious attack on what I do ever be remembered in the future, it will only serve as an example of the imbecility of critics.’

Beethoven was absolutely right. Over a hundred years later, that same review was mentioned in a radio programme in São Paulo.

this too, can be said of politics. isn't it?

2011-04-03T23:37:00.003+08:00

i believe that when the time is right, when the person is right, then everything will fall into place.

2011-04-02T18:11:00.000+08:00

out of sight, but never out of mind.
thank you for being such an understanding one :)

2011-03-31T10:04:00.009+08:00

i wish people would stop and think for a while.
i'm still appaled by the fact that after years and decades and centuries, people never learn. we're still making war, not peace.
in the past, people conquer for territory. now they conquer for resources.
i mean, i know human nature never change that much and that we're still that selfish and self-interested, but hey people are freaking dying every.single.day, sometimes for a cause they're not interested in.
so you're sacrificing people in the name of what?
sure you'd say they're fighting for freedom, equality, democracy and those fancy names.
but really, aint you fighting for resources to futher your self interest?
its easy to say go to war when those soldiers are not your children. but do you realise that they are the future of you?
if you're not trying to make the world a better place then please, dont play the political game. The stakes are way too high, and same goes to the responsibilty that comes with it.we're not your chances.neither are we your pawns. We only live once.

2011-03-30T23:48:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry i'm such a bad lover.
i miss you plenty

2011-03-26T21:34:00.003+08:00

seriously all that's in my mind right now is NGOs in Bangladesh and democracy in Singapore. Not exactly the most pleasant topics.
Studying politics, looking at the forests instead of the tree, they've made me more sceptical than ever. I have come to realise that really, the world is such a screwed up place.
But please dont put all the blame on politicians. Admitedly power corrupts, but really, alot of those in power are just trying to make this place alittle better.
I hope I can be the latter in time to come.

just wrote two pages worth of why microcredit by ngos are flawed. my faith for a better world just decreased further :(

2011-03-26T10:34:00.008+08:00

"I have a partner,yes," he admits. He makes a serious face and eats a clam. "It's not the passionate, stormy love you find in a Puccini opera or anything. We keep a careful distance from each oher. We don't get together that often, but we do understand each other at a deep, basic level.
Murakami- Kafka on the Shore

admitting that a relationship is flawed is so much better than deceiving the world and yourself that you have a perfect relationship.
been thinking alot.
its not even that i dont realise i deserve better.
its just that i can never phantom the thought of living without you.
i've been thinking of you on a daily basis i cant not think about you.it's a habit i've yet to break.

If you love someone, ask him for nothing. Don’t hold him from his destiny. Don’t keep him from going off in search of his own answers. Don’t ask him for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don’t ask him for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come. And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer,fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should he not return to you, then life hasn’t cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing him has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of him not returning. But always remember that you found him beautiful precisely because he was free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can’t hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People choose to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options.
— Ala Paredes (via themorninglight)

2011-03-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

"If nothing else, I’ve realized who I can count on. The friends who can read my mind and finish my sentence. who call me in the middle of a text message, or answer my question before I ask it, who tell me what’s going on in my crazy head."
you know who you are <3

2011-03-21T23:55:00.002+08:00

"am i neglecting you?"

when i ask you that, i need you to tell me the truth.
truth is, i dont make the best decisions all the time. i do make bad choices, bad judgments. i'm not all the time rational, i'm emotional and passionate. and most of the time i trust my heart rather than my brain.
but i do miss you. even though i try and deny it all the time.
if i dont miss you then why am i feeling this way?
your one touch one look one kiss can change my decision, thats how much you mean to me now.
maybe in a couple weeks/months/years dynamic of our relation will change, but for now, please stand by me.

2011-03-20T21:43:00.004+08:00

okay so maybe cutting bangs wasnt such a disaster after all :)

two polsci essays to write, one huge termpaper to research, one forum to attend, two scary injections, meetup with van to discuss getaway, weekly readings plus my own readings to do, lim's dance perf on sunday. thats a pretty busy week ahead.
i'm not making up the fact that i'm busy.i just really am.that's school i guess
plus i need alot of sleep.
i'm not trying to say that pushing you away is right, i'm just saying that maybe we all need a little more breathing space sometimes.

2011-03-18T20:58:00.009+08:00

Oh, by the way...

probably wont be keeping those bangs but yeah, i've just got to see how i look like with bangs. now i know.

"Michael, I'm happy here with you. You're happpy here with me. Isn't it true? It's a miracle we're here at all. Isn't that enough?"
I am silent for a while and concentrate on that. Yes, it is true, but no, it is not enough.
Vikram Seth: an Equal Music

i wish there were two me, that way maybe i wont sacrifice you that much. i'm sorry my priority now is not you, esp now that i'm 10x more motivated to study hard and get into a good school for sep. i'm sorry i'm spending so little time with you, but i'm not apologetic for my choice
iam/ we are both) selfish creatures, aint we?

2011-03-15T12:09:00.005+08:00

did the recent japan tsunami make you rethink life?
yes we can make the grandest plan and dream, but life is vulnerable and unpredictable.
treasure what you have, before its too late.

reflective element in the mind and the element of irrational appetite.
because we're only human

2011-03-13T10:01:00.001+08:00

some secret will break you apart. and what am i supposed to do when i only want the best for the ones i love?

2011-03-08T17:18:00.003+08:00

"I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are"
Diana Krall: Just the way you are
i love waking up to beautiful music playing in my head.

needs more discipline,thinking out loud and caffeine to tide me through this crazy week.

Love is more than just companionship,is it?

2011-03-07T21:14:00.002+08:00

would you choose a boring but stable and lasting relationship, or a roller-coaster passionate and unforgetable romance?

2011-03-05T22:15:00.005+08:00

devoured murakami's norwegian woods for the second time, still loving it. the number of post-its say it all
not my favourite amongst his works, but its still good.
funny how the book that escalates a writer to fame is never my favourite. murakami's norwegian wood, coelho's alchemist, picoult's sister's keeper. they are all a decent good read, but not their best in my opinion.

"After a long time of watching the glittering rooftops and the smoke and the red dragonflies and other things, we had felt something warm and close, and we both probably wanted, half-consciously, to preserve that mood in some form. It was that kind of kiss. But as with all kisses, it was not without certain element of danger."
i'm pretty excited that norwegian wood is gonna be up on the big screen, but i'm also very afraid that it will dissapoint. there's really nothing like pyhsically reading the book and experiencing the magic.

i think i'm a drifter.
the kind where family and friends and probably lover can never tie me down, they'll just make me wanna come back to a place where i should belong.
but i'm still not ready to trade my freedom.not yet.

2011-03-03T23:35:00.002+08:00

i wonder if you would fight for me as much as i fought for you.
i admit that i dont make the best of decisions all the time.
but even if you were a mistake, i would have repeated it all the time.
you opened up a whole new world for me without trying to smoulder or suffocate me.
thats really more than i could ever ask for.
why is time never on our side?

2011-03-02T23:02:00.001+08:00

what is a good life?
aristotle defines it as either a contemplative or a political life.
i'm on the right track if thats true.